June 23, 2009

The Guitar

If I would be given a chance to exist again after a millenium, I hope everything would be the same except me.....I wanted to be a Guitar. A guitar where you can play notes that gives music to the world, songs that ease the pain and compositions which expresses one's feelings.

I tried to play the guitar once, but I'm a failure. I love music but music doesn't love me. I admire those who know how to do it. Maybe it's a combination of talent and determination. But I lack those qualities.

You want to know what I envy with the guitar?...because it's owner loves it so much. Carry it on their back and hug it when they are playing some songs. One thihg is for sure, the owner won't let the guitar be parted to him. He will carry it no matter where he goes

I wanted to be like a guitar, naive to pain and sufferings but given enough importance and love.

The Other Way Around


There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you. (Maya Angelou)

Yesterday, I had my hair fixed and I'm planning to buy some clothes. I want to buy new appliances and if still on the budget would buy other things.

What am I doing? Spending lavishly with the hope that somehow, these material things would ease the pain I'm feeling right now. I am trying to be strong, pretending that everything is fine and normal though inside me, I know there's something wrong. A burden which I'm not sure if I could carry and surpass till the end.

I feel so hopeless, I feel so confused! If reincarnation is true, then maybe I was a bad person in my past life. That's why God is punishing me now. Giving me unending pains,sufferings and hearthaches which could end my life.

Why me? I'm not the worst person living on this damn whole world. But why should it be me and not them? I don't know who's to blame for what's happening to me. The pain is striking too hard on my heart and even I'm asleep, it's still chasing me.
Where should I go from here?