June 23, 2009
There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you. (Maya Angelou)
Yesterday, I had my hair fixed and I'm planning to buy some clothes. I want to buy new appliances and if still on the budget would buy other things.
What am I doing? Spending lavishly with the hope that somehow, these material things would ease the pain I'm feeling right now. I am trying to be strong, pretending that everything is fine and normal though inside me, I know there's something wrong. A burden which I'm not sure if I could carry and surpass till the end.
I feel so hopeless, I feel so confused! If reincarnation is true, then maybe I was a bad person in my past life. That's why God is punishing me now. Giving me unending pains,sufferings and hearthaches which could end my life.
Why me? I'm not the worst person living on this damn whole world. But why should it be me and not them? I don't know who's to blame for what's happening to me. The pain is striking too hard on my heart and even I'm asleep, it's still chasing me.
Where should I go from here?