April 6, 2010

When Would It End?

It was about 5 hours ago when I decided to update my blog. I don't know what happened why it took me this long. I don't know what to share, I only know that my heart weigh tons as heavy as Mt. Everest sunk under the Pacific Ocean piled up with Mt. Fuji and the Himalayas Range at the top. 

When I'm at work it seems to me that everything is normal. I laugh, I smile, I throw jokes and I get along with the guys. Whenever there is a moment to smile, laugh and be happy, I enthusiastically grab the opportunity just to make the day bright and light as possible. Who would know that a person who laugh aloud is slowly dying inside? But that is the dilemma of it all. I am enjoying the opportunity cause when I'm alone depression is chasing me and when it's night time, nightmare would take place. This situation usually bothers me especially during weekends. Time seems so slow and day wouldn't seem to pass. Saturday and Sunday loves me so much, torturing me from head to toe, skin to blood.

Someone told me that sometimes when you're miserable no one barely notice and no one seems to care, yeah in a way it's true, however you couldn't run from the fact that when you're in it, the harder you try to escape the harder it pushes you down. If each day of memory of the past would take me a month to forget that means it will took me roughly 69 years to labor in agony and pain though I try harder not to dwell in it (hope not or I'll end up looking for a branch of tree hanging a rope in there or go diving on a 10 feet pool).

Things aren't right yet and what you started wrong will never end up right, even white lies are still lies. Yup, you may look at me differently, you may even blame me if I couldn't get the nerve to understand you, but for God sake be rational enough. We're just humans, I know, we commit mistakes......but if that would be our reason for all the mistakes that we are about to commit then what is the use of the 10 commandments? We may as well end up doing what we wanted to do, who cares, anyway we're just humans prone to committing mistakes. 

If only people know how to wait for the right time, then everything would end up well. But it is due to our selfishness that we end up in chaos. We do want we want and we tend to ignore what would be the impact to the people around us.

We should try to be considerate with the feelings of others. Sometimes it is better to end up in pain than to hurt someone. Think about it and someday what I'm saying will make sense....!


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