September 30, 2010

I miss it, why not? Oh gosh!

5, 6, and 7! 7:00 ring my bell. Always looking forward to lay my back flat on the bed, close my eyes and let dreams carry me to the deepest room of my unconsciousness. But given the chance I would like to be awake 24/7. I have the feeling that I have so many things to do but time is so scarce.  Darn, why am I rushing things like this, when I use to believe that there's always time for everything like what I use to say to my students. Oh gosh, didn't I tell you that? Yes, I'm a teacher. 

Piles of notebooks to check, exams to administer, meetings to hold and 4th year high school students to guide. Hard but amazing though. It will consume your energy but it will give you self-fulfillment. You'll earn a little yet, you'll be remembered forever. That's how I see my profession. Hard but simply fabulous. 

I took a slight detour to find what was missing but now I admit that I miss moments like these:



"the lovebirds" it's a stolen shot

September 20, 2010

$1,000,000

Even if you have faith as small as a mustard seed....
NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE
Matthew 17:20

Not known to everydoby, I have this money magnet. It is said that this will attract money whereever you placed it and that when money begins to pour, it comes so quickly and in such great abundance that you will wonder where it has been all those lean years.

Who doesn't want and need money? Not me, of course we all need this to survive but don't get me wrong. What attracted me to get this stuff is the "Mustard Seed" stuck inside that circle on the picture.

I always hear people say when we believe, even if our faith is small as a mustard seed, nothing is impossible. But what the heck does a mustard seed looks like? So now I know -- and everytime I feel like the world is falling down on my shoulder, I will embody the Abundant State of Mind and always believe that tomorrow will be a better day.

September 16, 2010

I want shampoo

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I woke up too early the other day feeling exhausted and too tired but can't sleep. After several minutes of battle with the bed and pillow, I decided to stand-up, accepting my defeat that dream aren't for me that day and prepare myself for work. It's just then that I notice I ran out of conditioner, so what are ya gonna do??? run to the nearest Sari-sari store and get one. This what I like here, we have plenty of those stores who sell foods/snacks, toiletries, candies and other necessities for retail. Isn't that amazing? But the story is not about the store but about what happened to me in the store. The story goes like this:

Me: One shampoo please, ( i said to the store owner)

Store Owner: What shampoo? (asking for the specific brand)

Me: Creamsilk, the blue one please (for damage control)

Store Owner: What is that again?

Me: Creamsilk blue (full of confidence with what I'm asking for)

Store Owner: You made me laugh (she's actually LOL)

Me: Why is she laughing? What's funny

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I paused and it's just then that I realized I was  saying I want to buy shampoo but the brand I repeatedly told her is  a CONDITIONER AND NOT A SHAMPOO. Actually I'm really after the conditioner and not the shampoo.

Store Owner: Sleep at night are better, right?

Me: Yes definitely, absolutely 100% true (me laughing)

Agree with me that the quality of sleep is better when you are sleeping at night rather than day time. Imagine, I was awake at night for more than 2 years now and I wouldn't wonder why I acted like that on the sari-sari store. I was awake physically but sleeping mentally. My suggestion for y'all....don't go out when you aren't sure you're really awake.

September 15, 2010

It's Women of Achievement Month

February 2008, when I started this blog. Rambling from scratches and the only reader I have is no other than "ME" wondering where I was going. Without any single idea, I made blogger like Twitter, posting what comes to my mind whether it be a heartache, laughter or misery. The hell I care, no one is reading anyway. 

This month The Lady Bloggers Society is on it's way to helping women realize the achievements they've accomplished be it big or small. What I have on hand so far in nothing compared to what other members have. This post is written after rigorous self analysis, thorough examination of achievements and handful of courage but still my achievements are scratches so please bear with me and let me just share what I have and let me know if I could be counted as "A Woman of Achievement". 

1. After almost a year and a half of blogging, I gained many (100 are many to me, I am not famous) followers and few readers. The achievement is mostly on the fact that even though I have few readers, yet they are what you can say the best online friends I have. And believe me, if you'll be missing in action the first few people to notice  what's happening are your blog friends and wait till your email and twitter accounts will be bombarded with messages. It's so nice to know people care a lot for you. It makes my heart swells.

2. Racism is one reason that knocks me down when I started this blog. Our country is not rich and I was devoured by my fear that people will defy my grammar and laugh on my mistakes. After a year, the 100% fear of racism dropped down to 50%, not yet done but still there is improvement. Now I can say "Hello World, I am a Filipino". Being proud of my heritage is one thing I should consider as a lifetime achievement.

3. I had separated with my boyfriend for almost 6 years. When we parted ways, it feels like the world will hunt me down with no hopes and escape. But then again, I manage to live without him and the separation draw me closer to God, to my old friends I lost contact with and to my Family whom I fairly visit. Wasn't that an achievement? Yes it is. It's so nice to live the life I borrowed, appreciating the blessings. Not all people were given the privilege to be on this situation, this made and will make me tougher. It's difficult but I will get through it. And the spirit to fight and find inner peace is an achievement.

September 10, 2010

So, What should I do now?

Just at times when you feel things are so perfect they suddenly fall out of place and the people you want to stay tend to drift apart. Then, there you are, life is shattered and chaotic and before you knew it, you are being drowned to the deepest part of your loneliness and miseries. You don't want it, you run away, yet it continually chase you from all the corners of the earth. You don't have any escape. So what would you do then? FACE IT, of course, you have no choice except you'll let yourself be counted as one of the losers who just gave up without even trying. My point in this post is getting nowhere, yeah I know it.

I suddenly felt that the days of my life were trashed on the garbage bag. I feel so sorry that the days God gave me life were unproductive and I am just spending them sleeping and if awake thinking how life is so f****d up for me. Is it my destiny? Did God permitted it to happen. I feel so useless and that's all. 

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My plan of Round the World Travel (RTW), which is not coming to realization even at 1%. If this long-term goal would not come to realization then, I need to accept the fact that I'm not destined to be like Magellan (not to invade) who traveled from Atlantic to pacific and would end up traveling to Mactan and be a tourist to my own country. 

That also means I have plenty of time to throw away and procrastinate on things I should do. So if anyone of you needs help in sorting out things or if you have suggestions on what things I should do, feel free to send me an email at the14thstreet@gmail.com. Thanks

September 3, 2010

MY CONDOLENCES

Which is harder?  losing your mother  or  being heart-broken? I don't know, I just  knew the feeling of the latter.  

I'm literally shaking and my heart pounding while writing this post. I couldn't tell anybody but I wanted this insane feeling get out of my head and my heart now. I just learned that the mother of HER, died last August 23, 2010.  The same day when the shocking news about the hostage crisis in Manila was aired around the world. I thought that was the reason why I feel anxious and horrible, unsettled and restless. The girl isn't my friend nor an enemy. We don't knew each other that well and we never get along and never even met in person.  She had her part in the worst nightmare that I had and she played her part in hurting me, the way no one can imagine. 

No matter how hurt I am though, I never wished a lonely heart on her. I leave everything to the Lord who I know had permitted this circumstances to happen to me so that I maybe a better person. Though things aren't going well yet, I am trying my best not to bump and see them cause who knows what might gonna happen. After all, I am thinking that everything happens for a reason. Their reasons may not be right as mine though, but whose gonna judge the difference? Only the malicious minds. And who knows too that after all that, we're all victims of the unfair game of circumstances and chances. We can never tell she might even be so dear to me if and only she played her part well and fair.

when you lost someone, be it someone like your boyfriend/girlfriend  who found another love, your friend whom you had misunderstandings, yet there is no pain and agony harder than the battle of losing your parents. I know the feeling cause I already lost my father.

TO HER: I don't care if you had my heart broken into pieces where debris scattered around and my heart isn't well yet, I don't care if you and I had exchange foolishness before, at this point, I don't care how much you've hurt me all I know is that you're hurting and I know the feeling. MY CONDOLENCES TO YOU, for losing your mother.