No one can change the past, but you have the power,
as of this moment, to see it differently
Whenever I buy a book, I always record the date and place where I get a piece of my collection. As per record shows, I acquired my darling above on March 02, 2011 at St. Pauls. I bought it on purpose. I remember that day when I immediately snuggle myself on the couch as soon as I got home and scanned the pages. It took me two weeks in reading, reached page 52 and stopped. Since then, I let it rest on the bookshelf and never opened it until yesterday.
I know you have a question. Why did I stopped reading when I was so eager at the beginning? Because at page 52, I go back and started at page 1 again and the same scenario repeats itself. I was reading but I couldn't remember any single detail.
I realized that no matter how I tried to forgive, my heart wouldn't take it to circulation unless I perceive the past with brand new eyes. Early last year were days of me wanting to move forward, walk away from past pains and before doing that, I know I have to forgive. That was the purpose I was talking about when I bought the book. But I never realized that no matter how hard you wanted to forgive, there are certain elements that should go along with it to make the process genuine.
What I'd read until page 52 was enough food for my eagerness to forgive and it sums up what I needed to know to understand the process I have to go through. That forgiveness is a process. A long process that will take time and only time itself will let you feel when it's the right time. That it's hard to bestow forgiveness when the one who hurts us never asked or never wanted for reconciliation. Then I know I don't have to push my heart to forgive just for me to walk forward, it will come in due time.
From then, I left everything to fate and worked with my own terms searching for happiness that seems so distant and obscure. Trials, troubles, hindrances along the way like I was on a marathon with obstacles. There were times, I grasped laughter with my bare hands but I know the laughter is not pure cause there was a room in my heart bothered with the thoughts of the past.
I repaired my broken pieces, put a little oil to make me function as before and alas, my efforts made myself like a new invention. Seeing what I left behind in a new perspective gave me a clear view of what lies ahead. I started to acknowledge the human and good qualities behind the person who hurt me and I know if not for the scar of the wound of an accident that involved both of us, we could have been great friends. And like what I used to say, we're victims of circumstances and no one is vulnerable to pains.
Until I finally had a glimpsed of a bright day ahead. I received an email with the sender's heart in it. I felt the sincerity and the purity of the intention. A big step in repairing the damages of our hearts. It was then that I know everything will be put to rest, as I am ready to forgive and she is ready to make amends. That was one of the day when I felt like a huge rock was lifted from my heart.
Walls started to break, and a bridge between two rivers was constructed for us to meet. Awkward at the beginning but I'm glad we did. A kind of special day for I not only lift a burden from her heart but I also free mine as well.
I wish you well all the time and be the best of a lady that you can be. You will always be in my prayers as I am into yours. Take care and thank you. I can say no more, I'm overwhelmed.