March 9, 2012

Forgiveness

No one can change the past, but you have the power,
as of this moment, to see it differently


Whenever I buy a book, I always record the date and place where I get a piece of my collection. As per record shows, I acquired my darling above on March 02, 2011 at St. Pauls. I bought it on purpose. I remember that day when I immediately snuggle myself on the couch as soon as I got home and scanned the pages. It took me two weeks in reading, reached page 52 and stopped. Since then, I let it rest on the bookshelf and never opened it until yesterday.

I know you have a question. Why did I stopped reading when I was so eager at the beginning? Because at page 52, I go back and started at page 1 again and the same scenario repeats itself. I was reading but I couldn't remember any single detail. 

I realized that no matter how I tried to forgive, my heart wouldn't take it to circulation unless I perceive the past with brand new eyes. Early last year were days of me wanting to move forward, walk away from past pains and before doing that, I know I have to forgive. That was the purpose I was talking about when I bought the book. But I never realized that no matter how hard you wanted to forgive, there are certain elements that should go along with it to make the process genuine.

What I'd read until page 52 was enough food for my eagerness to forgive and it sums up what I needed to know to understand the process I have to go through. That forgiveness is a process. A long process that will take time and only time itself will let you feel when it's the right time. That it's hard to bestow forgiveness when  the one who hurts us never asked or never wanted for reconciliation. Then I know I don't have to push my heart to forgive just for me to walk forward, it will come in due time.

From then, I left everything to fate and worked with my own terms searching for happiness that seems so distant and obscure. Trials, troubles, hindrances along the way like I was on a marathon with obstacles. There were times, I grasped laughter with my bare hands but I know the laughter is not pure cause there was a room in my heart bothered with the thoughts of the past.

I repaired my broken pieces, put a little oil to make me function as before and alas, my efforts made myself like a new invention. Seeing what I left behind in a new perspective gave me a clear view of what lies ahead. I started to acknowledge the human and good qualities behind the person who hurt me and I know if not for the scar of the wound of an accident that involved both of us, we could have been great friends. And like what I used to say, we're victims of circumstances and no one is vulnerable to pains.

Until I finally  had a glimpsed of a bright day ahead. I received an email with the sender's heart in it. I felt the sincerity and the purity of the intention. A big step in repairing the damages of our hearts. It was then that I know everything will be put to rest, as I am ready to forgive and she is ready to make amends. That was one of the day when I felt like a huge rock was lifted from my heart. 

Walls started to break, and a bridge between two rivers was constructed for us to meet. Awkward at the beginning but I'm glad we did. A kind of special day for I not only lift a burden from her heart but I also free mine as well. 

I wish you well all the time and be the best of a lady that you can be. You will always be in my prayers as I am into yours. Take care and thank you. I can say no more, I'm overwhelmed.

40 comments:

  1. Wow twin sis,this post is really heart warming and beautiful. I really agree that forgiveness takes time... I'm glad that you finally found that peace of mind you are waiting for.

    I want to hug you now because. I'm really happy for you. You deserved to be loved and be respected because you are such a wonderful person. I'm lucky, I'm your twin sis.. love you!

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    1. I poured my whole heart twin sis. hehehe. Come and hug me, I need a BIG hug.Thank you so much for the kind words twin sis. Love you too.

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  2. i agree. forgiveness is a process and only time knows when you are ready.
    early this year i made peace with my friend, whom i wasn't speaking to for a year. i did not know i will be able to forgive her..there's too much pain that i just wanted our friendship to vanish. i think the most vital part of the process is when looked at myself, acknowledging that i have also hurt her and maybe i should also ask for forgiveness. when i realized my shortcomings, it was just wham! txted her and right there and then said sorry. and from then on, we became closer...
    anyway, i'm glad you found forgiveness in your heart. it can be difficult, but when u do it, it's more than overwhelming.

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    1. that was quite a good move Jan. Acknowledging that may also possibly hurt them will help us accept everything. I am glad that you and your friend became more closer. I admire you Jan.

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  3. good for you. it's a tough act really.

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    1. thanks! tough I know but when everything heals, it will come out naturally.

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  4. That's right. Nakaka-relate ako. May mga bagay na kailangan nating bitiwan at kalimutan. Kasama na diyan ang mga sama ng loob.

    At some point, there are also other people that no matter how much you try to forgive, mahirap talaga. Pero again, kailangan silang kalimutan dahil nakaka-stress sila....

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    1. Apir tayo sa paglimot sa sama ng loob.

      Mahirap magpatawad sa taong hindi nahingi ng tawad. Kung ayaw nila, then I guess you really have to move forward. Wag mong hayaang mastress ka nila.

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  5. May nabasa ako minsan.forgiveness daw is of selfish nature rather than of selfless act kasi you do it for yourself not for others.Parang you let go finally some old disgustic parasites hanging on your shoulder for a long time and be free at last from burden.

    Oo nga imagine yong super gaan ng pakiramdam na wala kang dinadala dalang mga pabigat sa iyong puso.

    Ganon pa man dahil isa kang tao lamang kaya dumaraan ka sa parte ng buhay na ganito 'wag mo lang tambayan ng matagal.

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    1. Wow, I learned a something new from you today. I agree. because when we forgive, we also forgive ourselves.

      Dapat yung mga ganitong circumstances, tamang daan lang. tapos let them go. hehehe

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  6. Apir. kaya nga minsan pag may gumawa ng di maganda sayo harapin mo ng minsan lang at batukan,hampasin or murahin at sabay humingi ng tawad.Ibuhos mo na ng minsan lang ang lahat-lahat. They don't deserve your shoulder.Be happy.

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    1. sige kapag may nanakit sakin ulit sasabihin ko, "You don't deserve my shoulder". Tatandaan ko yan palagi.

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  7. its really hard to forgive someone especially if they have hurt you so bad. and as you said forgiving someone takes time. its not an easy process.

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  8. it's a process...and not an easy one for that matter. i want to have that book...maybe it can shine some light on me...LOL

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    1. Go get it at St Pauls - it will enlighten you but of course you have to work hard as well.

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  9. This is the most intriguing thing I have had the fortune to stumble across for quite some time.

    I wonder if you'll ever accidentally stumble further into the pages. Perhaps forgiving yourself is an impossibility, unless your heart says it is okay.

    Knowing what lies ahead? We'll constantly be surprised. Though I do sincerely hope that all goes well for you.

    Do take care x

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    1. Thanks and forgiving those who hurt us really means forgiving ourselves as well.

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  10. Forgiveness is something we all struggle with at times. Madalas kong marinig..."How can I forgive if it hurts so much?" Honestly, I don't know the answer... maaaring tama ka, it's a process, but for how long? Kailan yong right time at right moment? Are you going to wait? or do something to make it happen? Madalas, pride na lang pinaiiral, na kung tutuusin matagal na sanang nagka-ayos. Ang alam ko, pag nagpatawad ka, ikaw ang unang-unang napapalaya...

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    1. Yes you are going to wait. Akala ko dati pag ginusto ko madali lang gawin pero ang puso ko di pa pala ready. Mararamdaman mo pag it's the right time. HIndi ko ma-explain kung paano. Tama yun kasabay ng pagpapatawad ang paglaya ng sarili.

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  11. This is so heartwarming, Sey. I'm happy that you found peace in your heart and you learn to forgive not only others but yourself. You deserve genuine happiness more than others deserve. Indeed, forgiveness is a long process but it's worth the wait. It needs time and timing as well.

    Thank you for the comment on my blog. I'm just around. I read your blogs but I don't usually post a comment. Mejo busy at marami ang iniisip.. hehee Babalik na ko uli kay blogger. Miss kuna kasi siya at kayo. Take care Sey. I miss you.

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    1. Hey, nice to hear from you again after a long time. We missed you. I'm glad that you're coming back. That's a great news.

      Tama na ang sobrang pag-iisip okay.

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  12. Awww. You are such a beautiful person, dear. It's really hard to forgive, especially when the pain he/she caused to you is unbearable. I admire your courage and strength. I also love to read inspirational books, it helps me realize things and allows me to grown into a more mature individual. :)

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    1. I love inspirational and self help books. I find light in them and I learn a lot on how to deal with life's obstacles and how to attain positive outlook in life.

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  13. i may not know what you went through but I definitely felt the sincerity of this post. i am happy for you, sey. obviously you have a lighter heart now. someone as nice as you deserves genuine happiness and peace of mind. *hugs*

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    1. Thanks for the hugs and cheers to genuine happiness. Thanks Apple.

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  14. What a positive post!! lovely!! you made my day...end was too good :)

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    1. Thanks. I hope all is well with you!

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  15. What a heartwarming post my lovely. I am happy for you. I can tell that you feel relieved and at peace. This is the true feeling of forgiveness. Like all things, even forgiveness takes time. And no one can tell how long it takes for the pain to go away. It may have taken a while to get here, but I know it was all worth it.
    BIG hugs your ways sis. mwah mwah =) xoxo

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    1. Thanks for the hugs sis. I spent a long time to get here and I am happy with the result. It's a great feeling after a long time.

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  16. My charming girl! This is so wise and pure. Forgiveness shouldn't be forced out. I know this. People tells you you should learn to forgive and you try so hard to do it but it's only your heart who has the right to tell you "it's time". Kasi dadating yung araw na ma-realize mo nalang na hindi ka na pala galit, na miss mo na pala yung taong yun and you want her to your life again, and you still love the person pa pala. Kaya I know that feeling, dear. Yung bang 'nabunutan ng tinik'? Haha.

    Love you! Stay beautiful and kind.

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    1. It's really heart warming ganda! Thanks and love you too.

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  17. There is nothing more liberating than being able to let go of hurtful past... but it is something that cannot be forced either. I am so glad you have gone through all these process and finally able to recover something that was temporarily lost. I admire your courage on facing challenges like this.

    Spanish Pinay

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    1. I tried to force it at some point because I wanted to get rid of my past. But I learned that I could't forget that but instead accept that it happened and everything fall in to place.

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  18. Yup. Forgiveness takes time, and how long it takes would depend on how much the other person has wronged you. And HOW MUCH it affected you.

    For me, I forgive people who have wronged me (after a long time...?) but I never forget what they did. It will always serve as a lesson.

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    1. Yes, we cannot forget what they have done because if forgiving means forgetting, what would happened to those gifted with photographic memories. But yes they will serve as lessons.

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  19. It's really hard to forgive and forget but for me, forgetting is harder than forgiving. I can forgive a friend... after sometime, maybe even go with/talk to her from time to time but the trust that was lost is really hard to give back, esp. if she's not doing something about it, I guess I will forever be cautious.

    Glad that you were able to bridge the gap with your friend, that you were able to wish her well, a tough act indeed. Happy for you Sey. :)

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  20. Aww, *hug* sis. I am happy that this person has finally reconciled with you. God listens, I know. :) Glad to know that you carry a lighter heart this holy week. :)

    Love you, sis!

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