March 29, 2011

Life is Short, I need to let this out!

I took a leave from work today. I am feeling a little better however I woke up with a sad news. The mother of my friend passed away. This incident brought me back to a thought I am trying to escape. I know death is inevitable and our stay on earth doesn't have its certainty.

I don't know if sharing this would be the proper thing to do. I don't want to earn neither sympathy nor pity. I just want to lighten the burden and I hope you bear with me I am this emotional today.
Lately I have been receiving a lot of sweet messages on Facebook, messages on my phone, a lot of phone calls and private messages. I am not ignoring them as a matter of fact I am concerned and happy that somehow these people who are sending this messages didn't stop remembering me. It only proves that the more I am staying away, the more they persevere to see and stay in touch with me.

Before me and my ex separated, he told me that I could still visit his family. He told me that his sisters will always be my sisters and we're still family no matter what because he said he loves me he's just not in love with me.  The last few months of our relationship, I spent mostly with his family which drew me closer and closer to them each day while he was nowhere to be found ( don't ask me where, okay). That made us more of like a sibling and not couple anymore.

When we've gone our separate ways, there were family occasions, they invited me in and before I commit, I am giving my conditions, "I don't want to talk about the past anymore".

Things may have been running a little smooth but in every  journey there are rough roads. There is one sole reason why I can't stay in touch with the family who accepted me and still loves me. The son is in a new relationship now of which the family is not in favor with. A relationship why ours no longer exist.

I often talk to them to accept it. Accept the relationship and more specifically the girl but no matter how much I would want to, I cannot waive their decision. I did that not to impress anyone, I just want everything to be alright and more so I don't want fingers pointing at me saying I am the reason why she wasn't accepted till now. 

The family's reason. "We're not the one to choose who he will end up with. It's his choice and not ours. All what we wanted is to put everything in it's proper place be done in the right manner with no one being hurt. You see, it's more pleasing when you go out and enter with a new one with pure conscience and with no one being stepped in. We don't have any problem if it's not you, but we still wants the best for him". Period, I shut my mouth.

With that I made a decision. I will stay away from them if that would make them accept it. If not then I will no longer be a subject of malicious minds, degrading words and hearth breaking emails.

That decision I made is melting me like a candle with both ends burning. I saw one  recent picture of Mama (that's what I call her). I noticed the big difference in her with the last time I saw her personally. She's so skinny and I am afraid to say she's getting old. At the span of the moment, I wanted to run and see her but there's nothing I could do. I don't want to hear the words I heard before for they are so traumatic. Yes indeed! Very very Traumatic. 

I wanted to see her and make up for the time I denied and refuse her request to see me. Those traumatic words I heard made me stay away from the family especially to a mother I learned to love as my own. 

Now I am more afraid of the fact that she's getting old and I might not have the chance to see her again.


  1. our life on earth is temporary.may isa ngang kanta na "this world is not my home, im just passing through".

    nice post manang ko.

  2. Sey Sey Sey.

    Is there any good way of sorting this issue out! I don't see any. It is so difficult and my heart breaks for you thinking about how 'you' feel about this whole thing. There is but one thing. I hope people see it so that no one suffers.

  3. Pag naging bahagi ka na ng buhay ng iba napakahirap itong bitiwan.Kung dahilan lang naman ay isang tao o silang dalawa problema na nila yon- malalaki na sila.Mag-ayos nga sila ng buhay nila at tangapin na kailangan ang buhay ay magpatuloy.Wag silang mag inarte na nakakagulo ka lang o kung yon ang nararamdaman ng other party. si lalaki ay kailangan na matauhan at tigilan na ang pagiging selfish.Isipin niya rin ang iba,kasama na kasayahan ng pamilya niya at ng iba.ANg suma total it happens kasi you deserve a better one otherwise magbago na siya.

    Kampi kasi ako sayo ngayon kaya ganon.

    SAna maging ok ka na.Be cheerful.

  4. first, I extend my condolence to your friend.

    You are a genuine person and really sweet. Keep doing your thing!

  5. when my ex broke up with me... she did not just asked me to leave her... but to totally leave her family... just like you.. I've learned to love her family... I am close to them... but everything went wrong... when a handsome guy enter our relationship.. ehhehe.... I am still mad... but just like you... I totally disappear my self from everyone... I stayed in Manila for one year before I left for Saudi.. I dont want this.. but I felt like I need to... Manila is pretty small... and you know what.. I saw her twice in Manila... arrgghhh... but she didn't saw me...

    anyway... sometime you have to sacrifice that most important thing in you life in order for you to be happy... gurl.. I am on your shoes... I know the feeling... I think Mayen has been in that situation too... that's why I am keep on following you and her... because I want to learn from you two.. Mayen had found a new one now and she said she really regret that she meet her BF just now... so many wasted moment.... and I am happy with her.. I am hoping that I could find another one... whom I will offer everything.. even my Life....

    until now... I still feel the pain... nothings change.. kaya nga nasabi ko na ... parang ayaw ko pang umuwi ng pinas... at kung uuwi man ako.. baka sa Manila lang ako magstay... ayaw ko umuwi totally ng Zambonga.. Hindi pa ako handa...

    about life here on earth.. in ISLAM.. you must not be afraid to die... kasi yun ang susi mo para mameet si GOD ALLAH.. the only certain in this world is death... at ang tanging sakit na walang gamot ay ang katandaan... lahat ng tao ay tumatanda... ehehhe....

    anyway... wala ako masasabi sa post mo... truly I've been in that shoes... pero pasasaan pa ba naman at sasaya rin tayo... nasabi ko na ito noon at sasabihin ku ulit ito.. this time sa iyo... "Nasanay lang kasi ang puso natin na andyan sila... sanayin na lang natin ulit ang puso natin ng wala sila"... I admire your decission girl...

    just do what's best for the both side...

  6. you deserve someone better.. someone who can stand beside you and fight for you... accept who you are.. you deserve someone who will tells you.. you are beautiful... tells you I love you and everything what's life is you... kaya huwag ka nang magdamdam... ikaw na nga... ikaw na ang emo ngayon... ehehhe...

    sabi nga ni Emmanuel "Ang Buhay ay hindi bitin..." kaya waits ka lang.. steadylax ... may darating lang yan... malay mo kaFB mo lang pala.. or kablog mo na pala siya...

    pasensya kana at napahaba ang comment ko...ang gusto ko lang talagang sabihin ay ... "NICE POST"

  7. Sey, I don't know how hard is it or how complicated the situation is... But I guess it's also unfair to you and the family you've learned to love like your own if you deny them of their request to see you or be with them once in awhile. I know there will be hurtful stories, stories that can destroy you or would cause such trauma that all you wanna do is just walk away from it. But these stories will die down in a matter of time. It will fade. And soon enough you will realize you're no longer affected by it anymore. But the time you let pass will not be given back to you. Tomorrow is not promise. Everything in this world is uncertain. If you deeply care and love someone say it, or at least show it before it's too late. :)

  8. EmmanuelMateo Yes, well said Manong! Love it!May kanta pa lang ganun, anung title nun para download ko. thanks Manong.

    Ratz Oh dear!I hope there is but there isns't I guess. Let's hope for the best. Love yah sistah!

    Diamond R Oo nga eh, kung ganun lang kadali. Sana nga no ganun kadali para over na, poop tapos na.Pero okay na yun hehehe. Nashare ko lang naman. Gusto ko maging maayos na ang lahat at sana dumating na yun. Mas okay na rin siguro na ganito. Siguro namimis-interpret din in a way yung dati kasama ko pamilya niya pero alam ko masakit din para sa girl yung sitwasyon. Kung gaano kasarap ang tanggapin ka ng pamilya siguro masakit ang hindi katanggapin. Naiintindihan ko naman in a way.

    Yeah, I know we're not meant for each other, kaya okay lang yun. Hehehe! Okay naman ako at hangad ko na maging okay na lahat.

    Akoni Thanks! Makakarating. yeah, and I know staying away most of the time is the best thing to do.

    Musingan Talagang dinamay mo si Mayen. lagot ka. There's one reason why I communicated with them pero gusto ko maging okay na lahat kaya siguro tulad mo magiging mushroom muna ako for a while until kung magkaroon man ng chance na maging okay.

    Gurl talga? sige gurl, buti naman di ako nag-iisa. Okay na ko gurl, nahihirapan lang ako ngayon is about the family gurl. Yung boy okay na kong wala siya. Anu beh, ang tagal na nabuhay ako ng wala siya kaya keri na, yung family lang talaga kasi ayun super bait bait nila.

    don't you worry gurl Patapon, mahahanap mo din yan. Pasaan ba at masusumpunga mo din siya, in no time,w ag ka mainip. Relax. Swerte niya, pati buhay mo, at dahil dun magiging PUSA siya, maraming buhay.

    Di ako takot mamatay, takot lang na mawala ang isang taong mahal ko na baka di ko na siya makita ulit. Pero kung ako okay lang. I don't fear death.

    Salamat Patapon, wag ka worry, susundin ko ang payo mo. Ibalik mo ang shoes ko!

    Musingan Yeah I know. Siya rin yan sabi niya dati sakin. Oo alam ko ako ang emo at akin ang korona today. Babawi ako sa susunod.

    Tama si Emmanuel ang buhay ay nice kaya tara na gala tayo. hehehe. Ka-FB toins kaBLOG lalong toinks, pero that's how destiny works. Eschited much, hahaha

    Oo nga eh haba ng post mo yan tuloy napa-comment and lola moh.

    Janjan Stories yeah traumatic as well. But I know I needed to face them so tha wounds could heal properly. With that situation sometimes when people talk about it, I can manage to smile and even to laugh at how odds those situations were.

    The moment I ma letting to pass is the one I am afraid of.

  9. I'm sorry to hear about your friend sey.

    ohh sey, I feel for you. Al is right, i've been there. Just like you, it took me awhile to let go of his family. Matagal ko na syang na let go pero ang family nya hindi ganun kadali. especially kung napamahal na sila sayo. Tama ba ako na kasama na din sila sa iniyakan mo nung hindi kayo nag work out? But in the end i need to let them go kasi everything is becoming awkward.well sa akin ganun and i think at some point sayo din.

    Moving on is a process and you need to go through it in order to understand why it happened. Someday I know, God will heal every wound and you will be very happy. I will pray for you

    dami ko pa kita when I get home. uwian ko na eh. :)

  10. condolence sa friend mo..:(

    life is short talaga, kaya everyday say i love you sa mahal mo sa buhay kasi hindi mo alam anong mangyayari sa atin bukas..

  11. *Hugs*

    You've told me the story about the situation with your ex. It's hard. I know how difficult (if not awkward) it could be.

    Yes, death is inevitable. It happens and nothing could stop it. So while we have the chance, we have to express how much we care about the people who are important to us. You can still show your Mama that you care. You can have lunch together and talk and catch up and do stuff together. :)

  12. Sey, that is so sad. I have made this long journey, leaving behind families of ex's because the relationship is over and it just doesn't work. I hope, for you, that the answer will present itself.

  13. Mahirap talaga, when you got out with someone you Get to know their family & eventually become close to them.
    You're in a tricky spot, and there is no right or wrong. Just do what you feel is right & one that you won't regret in the end.
    Take care xxx

  14. meron akong kilalang almost ganyan dina ng situation kagaya sayo. uhmmm ayun nga at laging tulala..hindi nya alam ang gagawin. isa lang masasabi ko

    be strong ^_^

  15. Condolence to your friend Sey.

    Anyways, you are true that life here on Earth is short, so would you waste your time thinking what others think or you will live your life to the fullest??? Will you sacrifice not to see your "mama" because you are worrying that the other party will again say to you that traumatic words....girl it's their problem and you have nothing to do with it...ang isipin mo lang is yung makasama yung taong napamahal na syo diba? and if they are matured enough they should understand that...

    hope all will end well :-)

  16. mayen you're right Mayen, I let him go pero ang family niya ang iniyakan ko at hindi siya. It feels so good that people knew how I feel. It easier to make judgment kasi if you've never been in the sitaution pero ngayon masaya ako kasi naiintindihan mo ako.

    For a fact baka nga merong taong magsasabi na siya ang iniyak ko pero people who have been there and done that could testify na sobrang hirap lumayo sa family na natutunan mo nang mahalin.

    MOmmy-RAZZ thansk po. thanks po ng marami sana nga magawa ko.

    Gnetch thanks for the advise, hugs and for listening to me. I'll try to do that. Let's see.

    Florida Girl I am hoping that the answer will knock me down now. haha.

    Kalokang Pinay I'm caught within 2 decisions. I'll pray for the best answer

    Kikilabotz salamat, I'll be strong. sabihin mo din sa kakilala mo be strong din.

    nash thanks, I'll telll her. If people would think the way you do, then i'll have no problem today. It just so happen that other people are selfish and conceited and they only think about themselves. I mean why should they be afraid of me.

  17. Hi Sey,

    You can not blame the family of your ex for continuing loving you. Maybe one day, they will also love the present GF of your ex, but I think she needs to make a little effort for that to happen, prove that she's worth the trust and love at the same time.

    With the regard to the mother of your ex, you mentioned you learned to love her like your own mother, you don't stay away from your mom no matter what, right? While you still have time and chance, you should grant her request of seeing you, I'm sure it will make her happy.


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