Life is Short, I need to let this out!

I took a leave from work today. I am feeling a little better however I woke up with a sad news. The mother of my friend passed away. This incident brought me back to a thought I am trying to escape. I know death is inevitable and our stay on earth doesn't have its certainty.

I don't know if sharing this would be the proper thing to do. I don't want to earn neither sympathy nor pity. I just want to lighten the burden and I hope you bear with me I am this emotional today.

Lately I have been receiving a lot of sweet messages on Facebook, messages on my phone, a lot of phone calls and private messages. I am not ignoring them as a matter of fact I am concerned and happy that somehow these people who are sending this messages didn't stop remembering me. It only proves that the more I am staying away, the more they persevere to see and stay in touch with me.

Before me and my ex separated, he told me that I could still visit his family. He told me that his sisters will always be my sisters and we're still family no matter what because he said he loves me he's just not in love with me.  The last few months of our relationship, I spent mostly with his family which drew me closer and closer to them each day while he was nowhere to be found ( don't ask me where, okay). That made us more of like a sibling and not couple anymore.

When we've gone our separate ways, there were family occasions, they invited me in and before I commit, I am giving my conditions, "I don't want to talk about the past anymore".

Things may have been running a little smooth but in every  journey there are rough roads. There is one sole reason why I can't stay in touch with the family who accepted me and still loves me. The son is in a new relationship now of which the family is not in favor with. A relationship why ours no longer exist.

I often talk to them to accept it. Accept the relationship and more specifically the girl but no matter how much I would want to, I cannot waive their decision. I did that not to impress anyone, I just want everything to be alright and more so I don't want fingers pointing at me saying I am the reason why she wasn't accepted till now. 

The family's reason. "We're not the one to choose who he will end up with. It's his choice and not ours. All what we wanted is to put everything in it's proper place be done in the right manner with no one being hurt. You see, it's more pleasing when you go out and enter with a new one with pure conscience and with no one being stepped in. We don't have any problem if it's not you, but we still wants the best for him". Period, I shut my mouth.

With that I made a decision. I will stay away from them if that would make them accept it. If not then I will no longer be a subject of malicious minds, degrading words and hearth breaking emails.

That decision I made is melting me like a candle with both ends burning. I saw one  recent picture of Mama (that's what I call her). I noticed the big difference in her with the last time I saw her personally. She's so skinny and I am afraid to say she's getting old. At the span of the moment, I wanted to run and see her but there's nothing I could do. I don't want to hear the words I heard before for they are so traumatic. Yes indeed! Very very Traumatic. 

I wanted to see her and make up for the time I denied and refuse her request to see me. Those traumatic words I heard made me stay away from the family especially to a mother I learned to love as my own. 

Now I am more afraid of the fact that she's getting old and I might not have the chance to see her again.

100 Reasons why a son needs a Dad

One post I read yesterday made me emotional because I find it rare for people to express how they feel when they've found out they're soon to be father. It touches my sleeping emotions from hair to toes down to my bone marrows. Akoni I salute you, I commend you and I admire you! 

I bought this a long time ago. Aside from the quotations, there're pictures which illustrates the quotations on the best way possible. This is my simple tribute to fathers who had showed great love to their children.

I'll post 5 out of 100 reasons why A son needs a Dad:

1. To tell him he is proud of him

2. to show him unconditional love

3. so that he will have at least one hero he can depend on

4. to make the family whole

5. because without him he will have less in his life than he deserves. (Gregory E. Lang)

Good luck Akoni! You'll be a great father, that's for sure with all the words from you that I read yesterday. Just make sure you'll be there for him/her when he/she needs you the most. One thing more, every child needs their father and mother's affectionate touch. That helps them develop fully. More than financial support, every child needs his/her father's love.

and  Happy Birthday Emmanuel Mateo!!! Where's the party? hahaha!

So this is GOODBYE?

I do remember the reason why I created this blog. I love to write though I know I'm not that good. At first I was afraid that people who might read this would tease me not only about the topic but also with the grammar and other stuffs as well. For times now, this blog of mine became the outlet of all the emotions and depressions that I've been through.  My journey to recovery from loneliness, though I truly admit that I do feel loneliness sometimes. Together with this I tried to strengthen my long lost connection with GOD. 

Sey, do you still remember the time when your only follower is TB? Yes, I do!!! I discover TB's blog from one of the blogs I followed through Blog of Note. (btw, TB will have her surgery today and wish her luck and God's guidance- thanks!!!). Afterwards I joined 20SB. I found most of you there and the first follower I gained from is Island Gal and through her I found my wonderful Filipina Blog Friends, Mitch, Janjan, Gnetch, and Coline. I also met the lovely couple Betsy and George. Let's also add Rachel who always remind me to pray and trust God. Let's add Ratz my new favorite writer. Coreen to whom I learned that we should see the glass half full and not half empty. To Chris (who may not even know that I mentioned her here) who have shared her stunning pictures which gave me the inspiration to take pictures of my own no matter how they look like (at least they're mine).  And to Dionne who is very good in art, a gorgeous girl that serves as an inspiration for me to work harder on paint and eventually wanted to learn photoshop (check her blog and you'll be amazed with her designs).  You may also want to visit Lacey. She draw adorable pictures who wished me luck with the drawing thing in 20sb.

After reviewing all the pictures, especially  the pictures I did using paint, (please see below) 

NO!!! NOT THIS ONE. I DID IT USING POWERPOINT, BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY PICTURE BUT WANTED TO SHARE MY IDEA CLEARLY.

YES THIS IS IT!! LOOK AT ALL THOSE STICKS AND UNTIL I LEARNED HOW TO ADD COLOR. if you would click you can see that there are rough edges. IT'S JUST YESTERDAY THAT I LEARNED THAT I COULD MAGNIFY THEM TO CLEAN THE PICTURE.

Until a friend  guided me yesterday and came up with the picture below not so good but neat than the others.

I see no problem of sharing my thoughts but I have to gather my thoughts too. Need time for myself and give attention to things I missed before, since my brain became so occupied. There are so many things that I have to attend to and deal with the stuffs I never payed attention too: visit the doctor for the check-up and strengthen my relationship with GOD . This isn't goodbye,.....let's just say a little rest and vacation for a while. Thanks!!!