April 27, 2010

Fireproof - "Never Leave Your Partner Behind"

Yesterday, I watched the movie "Fireproof" and I just wanted to share how good and life touching it is. I searched for some pictures over the internet one is shown on the left side. The story revolves on how Caleb and Catherine saved their dying marriage threatened by divorce through a 40 days process through the "Love Dare". The challenge was instigated by Caleb's father whose marriage with his wife was also at stake once and who himself wrote the notes for the 40 days journey.

Caleb, though going through a hard process especially at the middle of the journey managed to make it, through the guidance of his father and help of his friend Michael. He was able to battle his addiction against internet pornography, learn how to love his wife again and most of all, to trust God and surrender everything to Him. In the end, the couple decided to renew their vows to make it a covenant with God and not just a mere contract. Below are my favorite lines from the movie. If you want to see a detailed review, you can click here so that you can be directed to the website of the Internet Movie Database.

Caleb Holt: Marriage isn't fireproof.
Michael Simmons: Fireproof doesn't mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it. 

John Holt: Caleb, if I had to ask you why you're so frustrated with Catherine, what would you say?
Caleb Holt: She's stubborn. She makes everything difficult for me. She's ungrateful. She's constantly griping about something.

John Holt: Has she thanked you for anything you've done the last 20 days? (Caleb's Father)
Caleb Holt: No! And you'd think after I washed the car, I've changed the oil, do the dishes, cleaned the house, that she would try to show me a little bit of gratitude. But she doesn't! In fact, when I come home, she makes me like I'm - like I'm an enemy! I'm not even welcome in my own home, Dad. That is what really ticks me off! Dad, for the last three weeks, I have bent over backwards for her. I have tried to demonstrate that I still care about this relationship. I bought her flowers, which she threw away. I have taken her insults and her sarcasm, but last night was it. I made dinner for her. I did everything I could to demonstrate that I care about her, to show value for her, and she spat in my face! She does not deserve this, Dad. I'm not doing it anymore! How am I supposed to show love to somebody over and over and over who constantly rejects me?
John Holt: [touches, then leans against cross] That's a good question. 

Mr. Rudolph: Don't speak to him, Erma. He's weird. (Caleb's neighbors)
Erma Rudolph: Takes one to know one. 

Michael Simmons: The sad part about it is, when most people promise for better or for worse, they really only mean for the better. 

Caleb Holt: You never leave your partner! Especially in a fire! 

Michael Simmons: But just remember: a woman's like a rose; if you treat her right, she'll bloom, if you don't, she'll wilt. (Caleb's Friend)

Michael Simmons: 40 days? Does Catherine know?
Caleb Holt: I'm not gonna tell her. If she wants to go ahead and file, it's up to her.
Michael Simmons: Divorce is a hard thing, man.
Caleb Holt: Well, if it brings peace...
Michael Simmons: But Caleb, you want the right kind of peace.
Caleb Holt: What do you mean by that?
Michael Simmons: You know what that ring on your finger means?
Caleb Holt: It means I'm married.
Michael Simmons: Yeah, well, it also means you made a lifelong covenant. You putting on that ring, by saying your vows. The sad part about it is when most people promise for better or for worse, they really only mean for the better.
Caleb Holt: Catherine and I were in love when we got married. Today, we're two very different people. All right? It's just not working out anymore.
Michael Simmons: Caleb, salt and pepper are completely different. Their makeup is different; their taste and their color. But you always see 'em together. And when you... Hang on a second.
[Michael glues a salt and pepper shaker together]
Caleb Holt: What are you doing? Michael, what did you do that for?
Michael Simmons: Caleb, when two people get married; it's for better or for worse, for richer or for poor, in sickness and in health.
Caleb Holt: I know that. But marriages aren't fireproof. Sometimes you get burned.
Michael Simmons: Fireproof doesn't mean a fire will never come, but that when it comes you'll be able to withstand it.
Caleb Holt: You didn't have to glue them together.
[Caleb picks up the shakers and starts trying to force them apart]
Michael Simmons: Don't do it, Caleb. If you pull them apart now, you'll break either one or both of them.
Caleb Holt: I am not a perfect person, but better than most. And if my marriage is failing, it is not all my fault.
Michael Simmons: But Caleb, man, I've seen you run into a burning building to save people you don't even know. But you're gonna let your own marriage just burn to the ground.
Caleb Holt: Michael, you are my friend. And I have allowed you to speak freely to me on this job. Don't abuse it. 

Caleb Holt: What? You were married to someone before Tina?
Michael Simmons: For one whole year. I got married for the wrong reasons, then I turned around and got a divorce for the wrong reasons. Man, I thought I was just following my heart.
Caleb Holt: Michael, I have worked with you for 5 years. You've never told me that.
Michael Simmons: Because I'm not proud of it! It was before I gave my life to the Lord. Man, I was only concerned about my rights and my needs. Man, I ruined her life. But when I gave my life to God, I tried to find her but she'd already remarried. So believe me when I tell you I got a big scar. Man, God meant marriage to be for life. That's why you gotta keep your vows to Catherine. You gotta beg God to teach you to be a good husband. And don't just follow your heart, man; 'cause your heart can be deceived. But you gotta lead your heart. 

Anna Stone: ...if this doctor is trying to woo you while you're still married, what makes you think he won't do that with someone else? ( a patient at the hospital where Catherine is working)

Catherine Holt: So, what day are you on?
Caleb Holt: 43.
Catherine Holt: There's only 40.
Caleb Holt: Who says I have to stop?
Catherine Holt: Caleb, I don't know how to process this. This is not normal for you.
Caleb Holt: Welcome to the new normal. 

Caleb Holt: I am sorry. I have been so selfish. For the past seven years, I have trampled on you with my words and with my actions. I have loved other things, when I should have loved you. In the last few weeks, God has given me a love for you that I have never had before. And I have asked Him to forgive me. And I am hoping, I am praying, that somehow you would be able to forgive me too. Catherine, I do not want to live the rest of my life without you. 

Every quotations speak for themselves. Every conversation speaks it own lesson. I am so into it. Watch it. BTW, do you know what is Caleb's motto? "NEVER LEAVE YOUR PARTNER BEHIND"

April 24, 2010

First Stuff from Hong Kong

Few days from now, I'll be getting my first stuff from Hong Kong. I'm already anticipating it since it will be my birthday at exactly 11 days from now.

a friend defines the real meaning of friendship -- "it isn't based on how many secrets you share.. isn't how well you get along nor how much like each other.. isn't how people see you together.. but it appreciates the differences, the gaps, the hindrances, the trials, and still a friend looks at you, straight from the heart.... without hatred-- without judgement-- without envy-- without criticisms-- only pure love and acceptance.

I am humbly sharing the quote above as I am lost of words for today since a long time of no access to a computer.

April 21, 2010

I tried my best to save it

Yes, I confess, I tried to save it but it's not meant for me. I can see it flying, slipping through my bare hands while trying to grasp it. I know it's hard, I admit the process is painful. It's like my whole body will bent and be distorted due to the physical pain my effort to save it brought to my body.

Sometimes, life is so unfair. You already have the best of it in your control but things are becoming so complicated until you reach the point that you have to let it go. If this one thing that you wanted to hold is already hurting you, what is the point of keeping it. My friend try to hold on too. She tried to take control as well, but same as me, its hurting her too so she decided to let it go like me.  We can't even eat well because we're so affected by the loss of it.




















table napkin


April 20, 2010

Philippine Election 2010

The  Presidential Candidates for 2010 Election
(photos taken from Political Arena click here to view the website)

No matter what channel I tuned in the television, and no matter what news you watch, they have the common factor, "Election 2010". Exactly 21 days from now, the Filipino people will decide who will sit as the 15th president of the Republic of the Philippines through the first Philippine automated election.

I am a registered voter, and for me to perform my duty as a responsible citizen, I have to travel more or less 4 hours out of Manila to Central Luzon. As a matter of fact, I'm doing it all the time since I was 18 year old and travelling is no big deal for me, I'm still making it though sometimes I am the last to cast my vote. The only problem I have is that, election is fast approaching and until now, I haven't made up my mind yet who is the right candidate to inherit the presidency, who among the 10 candidates has the right to reside in "Malacañang Palace". To tell you the truth I am having second thought of voting this year. You would ask me for reasons and I would be very willing to share them.

As a Filipino citizen, I have my right to choose who I want to vote (this is a democratic country anyway) and because of that I have my own set of guidelines as well, "VOTE WISELY" so to speak. I wouldn't go for an handsome candidate, neither with an intelligent one though I know wisdom is needed, but let me explain further.

Looks can be deceiving and mere intelligence wouldn't be sufficient. For me in order to run a country, a president should be tactful, decent, honest, a man who honors his words, kind, intelligent blah, blah blah and if you are handsome, that is a plus factor and above all he/she should be GOD FEARING. When a leader exercise great fear and faith in God then the rest will follow.

Whenever I watched the news, aspirants if not all, but majority were digging the dirts of their opponents and in the end leaving them all victims of their black propagandas'. This happen every election and I am sick and tired of it. With all the chaos happening in our country and all the issues left unresolved, how could some manage to focus on their personal interest and personal gains.

But me instead of nurturing my sentiments, I will use my energy to find ways on how to know the candidates better so that I could pick the right one. As a guide, I will visit the site of politicalarena.com and their all candidates. one arena blog and most of all I have to make sure I will join the cause of several organization to pray and ask for God's guidance that we may be given enough wisdom to choose the right person who will be  the 15th President of the Republic of the Philippines.

April 18, 2010

A Tree Under The Tree

It's a boring day and no schedule for anything, so I grabbed the camera and walked on the park. I want to feel the nature again. The green color of the leaves and the different flowers are like uuhhhhh, can't find the right words to explain how I feel. I don't have any idea that this feeling would come to me that one day, I would truly appreciate nature at its simplest form, every pieces of it. Walking with God's creation around you is like walking with God himself, so relaxing.
While walking, I saw an "Acacia Tree" wondering why it looks a little pinkish from afar. I know the flowers of acacia are pink, however the flowers this time seem to be bigger and oh bigger. It totally caught my attention so I found myself walking near the tree. Wow, I saw a tree under the acacia tree and the flowers which I thought once belongs to the acacia are flowers of the tree under it (pardon me for using the word "tree"). I've taken 3 pictures again to show it from the smallest to the biggest image my camera could capture (pardon the pictures as well). You can click on the pictures to see a bigger image. Nature is really a wonderful blessing from God and I am glad that I am a fan of it now. I will end up today sharing a quotation from Anne Frank. The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens nature and God.

April 17, 2010

The Tree

This is the tree I'm craving to capture the last time but doesn't have my camera on hand. Below are 3 pictures, each taken in sequence and each one shows the tree closer and closer. I don't know the name of the tree, people are assuming that this is  a Cherry Blossom. I swear, if you could see it from aerial view, it looks a lot better. A description below each picture was provided (from my point of view).

The farthest picture I've taken. From afar it doesn't look like a tree but mere branches.

The second picture. No leaves shown but flowers are a little bit visible.

The nearest picture. The flowers are more visible however there were no leaves too. Ha-ha-ha, I thought it has leaves.

April 16, 2010


SECH is a new word added on my own vocabulary words. It is a term I used to describe a combination of blahhhh and blahhh. Aghhh OMG what's happening to me? Memories are flashing back again and I'm not happy about it and it's not a good indication.

I am so aghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (shOuT)....

I am scrolling back and forth with no idea what to write. Actually, I've been staring at the nice tree outside. I wanted to take a picture of it and post it in here, however when I was there with my camera I suddenly changed my mind and it feels like I suddenly lost the eagerness to take the picture ( aaaah, mood swings). My mood suddenly shift from okay to not so okay. I wanted to say something but I can't find the right words and I have to act okay because if I'm not in the mood, it's not other people's business to make a way for me and understand me all the time especially if they don't have any idea why mood suddenly changed (get what I mean?).

So much for that, I am so aghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (shOuT)....

 the secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

April 14, 2010

DuhDuh Folder

I read an article last time about how to survive the fu****g blah...blah...blah....while listening to the song  Fighter . The song makes me feel like rocking the whole place where I'm in. Damn! the lyrics caught me a little bit (well the whole of me actually), but let's go back to the article that I read.

I started with the first tip today. "Clean the house". But me, instead of cleaning the house, I found myself pulling the memory of my camera, plugged the card on a reader and inserted the device on the USB port. Guess what I did! I transferred all the pictures on the computer, filing and arranging them into separate folders and put them all together on a folder which I named "duhduh". I stored them there to depart the memories for the moment while I'm making ways and reserving space for things that I should concentrate with. I know, though those pictures are incapable of viewing for me, they are actually copied in my memory but at least I will be deprived of the visual aids of loneliness which is a good way to start. Then, when everything is okay I can go back to that duhduh folder to reminisce and just smile with the memories of the past.

I want to boast, I'm 1/4 proud of myself. Imagine, I was able to file all the pictures into separate folders and maybe came across them twice or thrice but no emotions at all, well maybe...okay I admit, I just miss the person, that's all. Someday everything would be nice and okay and fine and I can sing "I remember the ***, but I can't remember the feeling anymore" (weehhh) I hope when I 'm ready to sing people will lend their eardrums to me.

More updates of my whereabouts, vacation galore, tripping days, bed rest dilemma and other stuffs next time. I hope someone is not stalking me in this blog.

I'm in love and always will be

I am having hang-ups and ooops don't want to say hang-down (don't like the idea). I just filled my mind with songs and sang them from the bottom of my heart not caring if they will crash me down to ashes, what is important is I find ways to release the emotion.
(duh, lyrics below are combination of the songs I listened to)
(and the title BTW,I just like the line from the song)

Spend all your time waiting For that second chance For a break that would make it okay Theres always one reason To feel not good enough And its hard at the end of the day I need some distraction Oh beautiful release Memory seeps from my veins Let me be empty And weightless and maybe Ill find some peace tonight I will go down with this ship  And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door  I'm in love and always will be  Yesterday, All my troubles seemed so far away,  Now it looks as though they're here to stay,  Oh, I believe in yesterday.  Suddenly,  I'm not half the man I used to be,  There's a shadow hanging over me,  Oh, yesterday came suddenly.  But since you've been gone I can breathe for the first time Im so movin on Yeah yeah Thanks to you Now I get  I get what I want Since you've been gone After all of the stealing and cheating  You probably think that I hold resentment for you  But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong  'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do  I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through  So I wanna say thank you 

April 13, 2010

Movie Marathon

Hey, I just sneak early this morning to the nearest computer shop. I had a movie marathon yesterday to ease my mind of the pain of prolonged nostalgia. I just want to share the lessons I learned from the movies:

1. Transporter 2
     Lesson: Don't make promises you can't keep 
                  Give other people the time and respect they deserve

2. I Spy
    Lesson: Don't trust too much

3. UP
    Lesson: Perseverance, spirit and adventure

4. The Princess and the Frog
    Lesson: Looks can deceive

By the way, while browsing the net, I also came up to this site with a topic entitled How To Move On From a Breakup which gives advice on how to put your relationship behind you in a healthy and appropriate way. You've got to see it, it'll help.

April 10, 2010


Happiness isn't getting want we want..but being satisfied with what we have.To be happy is to be great even with the smallest blessings
Came across a trailer of the movie "Letters to God". A character said that we are somehow special, especially handpicked by God to perform the role that we are in right now. I'm some kinda' touched (maybe). I may be in a difficult journey right now. Maybe things were better before so that I could help someone who's in need of me then let me take my life when  everything's almost perfect for those someone's (I guess). sigh...sigh.... I am blessed....thank God.

April 9, 2010

My Precious Dollar Bill

I love reading books. Any topic that is worthy of my time and effort would be okay with me. But I'm not gonna' share a story that I've read on a book today but how books lead me to my "Precious Dollar Bill". While I was scanning books to buy at a local bookstore, a novel caught my attention and while I am thoroughly scrutinizing each page I was amazed and shocked at the same time to find a 5 dollars bill carefully kept between 2 pages. I was wondering if the first owner of the book forgot that the bill was there or did he/she even check the book before selling it. Another assumption is that he/she practically put that bill on the book as a charm or gift for the next owner (just guessing).

Well, whatever maybe the case, she/he made me happy the day I found it. Not because I am after the money (anyway it's just a small amount) but it's the situation that made me feel that I was so blessed that time. Imagine, there could have been someone who discover it before me but it seems like it's waiting for me (what a lucky charm for my wallet). I ended up buying the book (the story is good anyway). The good news is that, I got a book, I found my "precious dollar bill" and I was reimbursed for the price I paid for the book. (lol)

My Place

I moved on to a new apartment last January click here for the article about it. I actually updated the blog, but haven't got the chance to provide you with picture. Now, is the time. Have a sneak view of my new apartment (just the outside view for now).

The Facade of the apartment. There is a gate before entering so the place is pretty much secure ( I hope so)

The second floor of the apartment, which I think is a nice place to relax my crowded-chaotic mind

The stairs up to the roof top. I find it so annoying to step on it, as I am afraid of heights (Acrophobia) arrrhhhh....!

The roof top which is open for party and gatherings. There is a nipa hut to shield our skin against UV rays.

April 8, 2010

Message from an MP3 player

Joyful thoughts are morning dewdrops that wash away the burdens of yesterday. 
 Daily quotation from Honey's cellphone (picture at the left side). You'll be wondering if it is really a cellphone, well yes it is though it look likes more of an MP3 player for me but pretty useful though.

Dominique goes to Bookertech

 It was Wednesday and so amazed when I crossed the street across our building, a young girl was sitting beside my officemates. She is Dominique, the daughter of Paul (one of my colleagues).

Dominique before going to sleep
she hardly fits on the cubicle
What an intelligent girl. She went out with us at 7/11 always talking along the way. She told us that she's practicing her reading skills and knows how to read "Gatorade"...hahaha.

I asked her, where's your Mom, and she hurriedly answers back, "Mommy is at work" which made the story long........"I always asked Mom, when is her day-off, because I love to sleep beside her whenever she's at home, even when we are walking I love to walk beside her".

Up in the office she's roaming around talking to everyone, sitting on our laps. Even when it's time for her to sleep, she can hardly get the mood to go to bed ( not actually bed, but like a double deck cubicle, I guess).

Her Mom should never worry because aside from her Dad, she has everyone of us looking after her.

It's nice to have a baby inside the office sometimes. It's working with the ambiance of a "home sweet home" with little kid roaming around looking for playmates.

Well I guess that is the proof. Our office is not just an office, it's a home with lots of big mommas (hurray) even brothers and sisters who can act as playmates....hep-hep-hooorAY

April 6, 2010

When Would It End?

It was about 5 hours ago when I decided to update my blog. I don't know what happened why it took me this long. I don't know what to share, I only know that my heart weigh tons as heavy as Mt. Everest sunk under the Pacific Ocean piled up with Mt. Fuji and the Himalayas Range at the top. 

When I'm at work it seems to me that everything is normal. I laugh, I smile, I throw jokes and I get along with the guys. Whenever there is a moment to smile, laugh and be happy, I enthusiastically grab the opportunity just to make the day bright and light as possible. Who would know that a person who laugh aloud is slowly dying inside? But that is the dilemma of it all. I am enjoying the opportunity cause when I'm alone depression is chasing me and when it's night time, nightmare would take place. This situation usually bothers me especially during weekends. Time seems so slow and day wouldn't seem to pass. Saturday and Sunday loves me so much, torturing me from head to toe, skin to blood.

Someone told me that sometimes when you're miserable no one barely notice and no one seems to care, yeah in a way it's true, however you couldn't run from the fact that when you're in it, the harder you try to escape the harder it pushes you down. If each day of memory of the past would take me a month to forget that means it will took me roughly 69 years to labor in agony and pain though I try harder not to dwell in it (hope not or I'll end up looking for a branch of tree hanging a rope in there or go diving on a 10 feet pool).

Things aren't right yet and what you started wrong will never end up right, even white lies are still lies. Yup, you may look at me differently, you may even blame me if I couldn't get the nerve to understand you, but for God sake be rational enough. We're just humans, I know, we commit mistakes......but if that would be our reason for all the mistakes that we are about to commit then what is the use of the 10 commandments? We may as well end up doing what we wanted to do, who cares, anyway we're just humans prone to committing mistakes. 

If only people know how to wait for the right time, then everything would end up well. But it is due to our selfishness that we end up in chaos. We do want we want and we tend to ignore what would be the impact to the people around us.

We should try to be considerate with the feelings of others. Sometimes it is better to end up in pain than to hurt someone. Think about it and someday what I'm saying will make sense....!

Cut it

There are lots of things I wanted to share on this blog. However, I usually end up writing nothing because when ideas pops-up on my mind they wander around making me feel dizzy and undecided which one to write first. Where should I start…? I’m totally clueless.

I have an idea, hmmm…why not cut this long hair of mine to half. Good idea though it made me cry. 

April 2, 2010

My Cross This Lenten Season

                “I just finished taking my bath when I heard a knock on the door. When I opened it, I saw him standing and questions seems to bother his mind. He asked me in high tone voice why am I not yet ready and fix myself to work.  I let him in and hurriedly walk to the room to change my clothes and fix myself. I knew there was something wrong. Things were little complicated with us this past few months. I can barely walk and talk and I don’t have any idea where am I getting the strength to live each day that passes by, same for him but more difficult for me I guess. I sat beside him in the sofa. In a low voice, I asked him to punch me instead of betraying me and hurting my feelings, making me live a life like a hell every day. He refused and told me instead to do it to him. I don’t want to hurt him and causing him pain would hurt me to death. He set his left shoulder unto me so that I could punch it. I did it to release the pain that is raging inside my heart until I just realized that he is then sitting near the door, I don’t know how we headed there. After that, he stood-up and yelled at me. I still cannot imagine he got to the point of yelling at me. He is not that person I used to know. I was shocked, confused and hurt that all I could do then was cry. I get my bag so that I could leave for work and won’t let him to drop me by near the jeep station, but suddenly I felt a pain on my right fist, the one I used to punch him. My hand was swelling and I could feel that a part of it was broken.  Then, he looked at my hand, he get my handkerchief and wrap it around my hand…..AND THEN, THAT WAS THE TIME WHEN I WOKE UP CRYING, ONLY TO REALIZE THAT, IT WAS JUST A DREAM….!”

I jumped over to my closet and grab my towel. I wanted to be ready as fast as I could because I don't want to stay long in the house. On my way to work, I noticed bunch of people walking on the streets and tents where build beside the sidewalks. It was then that I realized that today is Holy Thursday, and people here in the Philippines are doing their yearly penitence. They walk all the way from home to visit 7 churches. I wanted to do it as well hoping that half of my burden would vanish. 

-People are walking carrying cross under the heat of the sun, while I am in a journey through life carrying my own cross of sleepless nights, burdened heart and a seeking soul.

-People are on a pilgrimage to 7 churches while I am on a pilgrimage of getting through the tough times of my life thought. 

-People who built tents near the sidewalks are ready to give water to the passersby who are on their journey while I am silent in my own tent so not to hurt somebody so special to me.

Sometimes I wonder, is it the people or is it  life who is unfair why I am troubled this way. I had done nothing wrong, but rather gave everything I could, always ready to help, to support and give as long as it is within my capability to reach out and yet, I only sow everything in reverse. 

Still in search for the answer which keeps me holding yet there are times I was tempted to give up the fight. I am wondering how I am surviving each day of my life, when I know and I can feel that every part of me was aching, when my eyes want to cry but keeps holding back the tears so that others wouldn't ask why, when my heart is frozen yet melting in the fires of pain.

This is my share of life's serious tests and this is the cross I have to bear. I am only holding on to the promise that one day it will end and I have to learn the lesson......the lesson of sparing something for thyself....the dream I shared above, I promise will never happen in my life.